When we were pregnant we were warned about the dreaded ‘poonami’ (not to be mixed up with Toon Army, football team of choice.).
For those that don’t know (lucky), a poonami is when a baby poops their pants in a fashion that manages to spray the entire way up their back, sometimes even front, occasionally reaching places you wouldn’t even think possible.
Horrifying as it sounds, we were in fact ready and waiting for poonami gate. What all you helpful friends with babies failed to mention however, is that poonami is just the start…
In Oatcakes short 5 months earthside, the endless list of disgusting things we have encountered is really quite impressive.. and I’m assuming that things can only get worse before they get better??
1. The aforementioned poonami. Often at very inappropriate times or inappropriate places, worst when you are unprepared and have no spare clothes.
2. In his first week, butt naked, started to wee.. hello fountain.. rather than throw a nappy over it, we watched him pee directly onto his own face.
3. Very early on we were sleeping in bedsheets slathered in dried wee, poo and vomit.. but who has the energy to change sheets when they have 2 week old!
4. A poo in the bath. And Baby poos aren’t solid (FYI).
5. 4 months, finally able to hold up his body weight.. making him ‘fly’ over my head.. he drools, big drool, directly into my mouth..
6. Numerous wriggly nappy changes where baby poo becomes some sort of baby foot bath/hand cream/face mask/shampoo.
7. Babies with colds.. someone (genius or psychopath) created a contraption where you can SUCK snot out of your babies nose. Into a tube. Using your mouth. (Ok it doesn’t actually go in your mouth but it always feels risky.)
8. Getting over exciting and turning said baby upside down.. apparently too soon after his lunch.. vomit.. directly.. in.. the… mouth.. (and rather than HELP, Papa Oatcake runs for the camera.)
Evidently, I’ve finally learned the meaning of unconditional love.
Ps. Those babygrows that have the shoulder openings can be pulled DOWN so poonami doesn’t always become a specialist baby hair mask. Would have been good to know before Oatcake arrived!!