Since having Otis and also whilst I was pregnant, I was constantly asked ‘do you have any weird cravings? (No), have you picked a name? (No), and the other usual conversation starters. There were however some real corkers in there too. Now, some of these questions may strike some of you as a little alarming, but as the first of my friends to have a baby, I wonder if these are the sort of things people actually want to know, and never get to ask! So this is one for the baby free readers..

And to the baby-laden readers, you can just quietly chuckle in the background. 

When you’re pregnant do you get a period? Or do you just miss one and then they come back??

I was actually asked this more than once. And every time by a very well educated woman. And if you were wondering, no you don’t. So if you’re periods have suddenly disappeared.. please go take a pregnancy test!

When you’re pregnant do you need to use birth control?? 

Well to be fair, they never listed it amongst condoms and the pill in sex Ed lessons. But aside from abstinence, being pregnant is an incredibly reliable method of not becoming more pregnant. So essentially no, you don’t. 

Is the baby’s belly button joined to your belly button?

No.. a baby doesn’t have a belly button.. at least not yet.. just an umbilical cord.. which joins to the placenta to feed it. 

What the actual crap is a placenta?

It looks like a red livery cauliflower? And it’s the most incredible organ the human body has ever created, to be honest I don’t know why we don’t worship the placenta like some sort of God. It’s pretty much God to your baby anyway! 

How long couldn’t you drink for?

Well. 9 months.. like.. 9 months

Oh and you could you drink before you were pregnant?

Well. Yes. Because I wasn’t pregnant then. So yes… yes..

Did it hurt?

No it was like like posting a postcard through a letterbox..

I’m all for positive birth stories, but really!? You’ll always think a newborn baby looks tiny until the day you find out you are pregnant. Then they all look elephantine. 

What happens if the baby grabs your organs? Is that why you get morning sickness?

Please go and study primary school science. That is all. 

What’s in there? Please can I see?

Ok this was actually asked by a 3 year old.. who had a strop when I told him he couldn’t see, no.. but it’s no more stupid than the above questions!! Incidentally he couldn’t have been less interested when he actually met Otis in real life. Oh well!

There were definitely more but I can’t remember them off hand! So feel free to ask any more burning questions, I’ll answer obligingly! And I’ll try not to publicly shame you on my blog 😉